Seriously. I never got the memo! How do you write one of these? Well… okay. How hard can it be, right? Let’s see. It should start with something like this…
“Hello and Welcome!”
Voice #1: Oh come on, that opener is so boring. This isn’t an Apple event.
Ok, then. How about…
“Greetings to one and all!”
Voice #2: This isn’t Comic-Con either.
God! This is exactly why I don’t need voices inside my head. There should be just one person, one mind behind the blog. Too many cooks spoil the brothel, or whatever.
Voice #1: This is precisely why you NEED more cooks, so that one can correct the other’s recipe and say, “It isn’t ‘brothel’, smartass, it’s ‘broth’, as in soup.”
Oh. Right. I knew that.
Voice #1: *snorts* Sure you did.
Voice #2: Umm, guys, losing focus here. The first post is crucial; it’s where the blogger must introduce himself/herself and the blog.
Yeah. I need to explain things. People will probably question where they’ve landed up. This place–
Voice #2: Is the dopest place on the planet! Short stories galore!
Voice #1: Both of you need to calm the hell down. Look at you guys. Sitting in the dull glow of a computer screen, debating content ideas, and getting wide-eyed and giddy over every new plan you hatch. It’s embarrassing.
Shut up. It’s a new year, a new start. Who wouldn’t be giddy? And that’s enough now. Shoo. Go away. I think I can handle things from here. I need to explain how ultimately, after eons of brainstorming – and stupid amounts of giddiness – I have settled on this: every week will bring something new, something fresh. Moreover, it’ll bring someone different. A new storyteller to catapult us into a tale of their own. You never know who they’re going to be or what they will have to say. But with a new voice every week–and I have no shortage of those, apparently–I hope there’ll be something for everybody.
Voice #1: You mean humour, mystery, drama, romance… there’s no telling what the story will be about?
There’s no telling. I might even throw in a few rambling posts when I feel like airing out my thoughts.
Voice #2: And don’t forget to mention that you really want readers to–
Yes yes, I know. I really want them to sound off in the comments (whether its critique or what have you), get in touch via the contact tab (whether for feedback or story requests) and generally just enjoy this humble little corner of the blogosphere.
Voice #1: *giggles* That’s a funny word – blogosphere.
Jeez, grow up. Anyways. Moving on: I should probably paint a colourful picture, too. You know, how readers should light up that fireplace, curl up on that couch, wrap their fingers around that delicious cup of coffee, and get ready to dope up on their weekly fiction fix, courtesy of their friendly neighbourhood dealer.
Voice #1: *oohs* Yeah. Definitely put that in the post. That’s sounds so cool.
Thanks. I came up with it myself, you know.
Voice #2: And then you should close with something like…
Voice #1: No wait, isn’t that very clichéd?
*everyone nod in agreement*
Hey, guys, I don’t think there’s anything to be done after all. The first post has just written itself. Look at this! It’s incredible.
Voice #1: Wow! You’re right!
Voice #2: *enter curse word here* Holy mother of convenience! See, having voices in your head can be a good thing after all.
Thanks so much, you guys. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. Well, I guess this is where I should wrap it up. Let’s kick off this blog!
This is me, signing out.
– Amaan Khan.