Me: *squirming* Erm… hi… h-hello…

Her: *gives the most stunning smile * Hi, there.

Me: *stunned* Hi. How… erm… how are you doing this evening?

Her: Um, I am fine. And you?

Me: Well, I was wondering if you could help me with that. The thing is… I… erm… I don’t really know what’s going on with me right now.

Her: I’m not sure what you mean. You want me to help you…?

Me: … help me figure out what’s happening to me. I’ve never had this feeling before so I don’t know what to think of it, but I think they call it love at first sight.

Her: *silence*

Me: Do you mind if I sit down? *sits down* I mean, I’m across the bar right there and I suddenly notice you sitting all the way here, all alone at this table, and something just made me come over.

Her: *blinking* Love at first sight made you come over?

Me: *stupid nervous laughter* I’m sorry, I know that’s the lamest thing you’ve ever heard, but let me explain… Okay, I can’t explain. To be perfectly honest, they say it’s like having a million butterflies fluttering around in your stomach all at once, and I have to admit it’s exactly like that. It’s weird. They’re making me feel like I can fly, but they’re also making me nauseous. But don’t worry, I won’t throw up on you.

Her: *giggles so cutely* I’m sorry, I don’t mean to–

Me: No, it’s alright. You can laugh. I probably sound like a moron.

Her: No, you don’t. I’ve been approached by many men but this is definitely new. Gosh, look, you’re even sweating. When was the last time you took a breath?

Me: *wiping the sweat off my face* I don’t know. I mean if you asked me my name right now, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t tell you. I’m blanking. Seriously. I don’t know if this is a dream or if I’m hallucinating you, or whatever. What I do know is that everything is just how it’s supposed to be. Like every decision I’ve made in my life was necessary to lead me here to this very bar at this very moment. Like it all somehow tallies up and I finally feel like I’m alive. But don’t get me wrong, I also feel totally dead. Like I died and went to heaven and now there’s this goddess sitting in front of me and I’m trying to be good company for her but I think I’m failing. Is anything I’m saying making sense? God, I knew it. I’m being a crappy conversationalist.

Her: Okay, hold on. A: I’m no goddess and…

Me: Oh, I beg to differ.

Her: *rolls her eyes* … B: You’re making sense… well, somewhat. And C: You’re definitely not boring me.

Me: *sighs* Thank you!

Her: *giggles again*

Me: *gets lost in her giggling* and *stares at her like a creep*

Her: So, what do you propose we do about this unfortunate situation of yours?

Me: *shrugs* I don’t know. I mean, I’ll have to wait till it wears off, which I don’t think will happen. Unless I…

Her: Unless you…?

Me: *gulping* Unless I ask you out on a date.

Her: *narrowing her eyes* Hmm. Yes, that would solve the problem right away. But this is all way too soon. I don’t even know your name and you can’t even tell me.

Me: Well, call me ‘Me’ for now. As soon as I remember what I’m called, I promise you’ll be the first to know.

Her: *giggles again*

Me: *can’t get enough of it*

Her: It’s nice to meet you, Me. I’m Nikki.

*both shake hands*

Me: *doesn’t want to let go* So, what do you say? *lets go reluctantly* Please, you’ve got to say yes.

Nikki: *bites her lip*

Me: *damn, could she be any cuter?* Come on, Nikki. Look at me, I’m a mess. Put me out of my misery. If this really is love at first sight then I guess I love you. There, I’ve said it. I’m a sociopath who’s asking you out for coffee–and for the record, I’m not usually like this. I don’t go around professing my love to people I’ve just met.

Nikki: I have dated sociopaths before, actually, so you wouldn’t be the first. And I guess we wouldn’t want you to suffer anymore. So what the heck? Let’s go out on a date, Me.

Me: *practically jumping* Oh my God. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Nikki: *giggles giggles giggles* So, how’s your stomach? Are all the butterflies gone now?

Me: Gosh. Forget the butterflies, Nikki. I think we’ve just made it worse. I can feel the whole damn zoo in there!

———-

© Amaan Khan, March 22, 2018.