I am the noise of everything you know, the sound of everything you don’t. I am the music of everything you wish you knew.

I am the constant beat of your heart as it thrums my name, the trickle of sweat down your back as you contemplate my intention, the synapses firing in your head as you appreciate my virtue. I am the mystery you want constantly surprising you.

I am the hand that feeds you, the light that guides you, the rod that beats you.

I am the voice in your head telling you to go for it. I am the whisper in your ear warning you to be on your guard. I am the unsuspected traitor to your cause.

I am your calling, the one you will live for, the one you will lay down your life for, the one you will kill for. I am the one that can kill you.

I am the reason you can’t let go, the reason you want to stay. I am the addiction you try your hardest to shake off, the indulgence you want to keep for yourself, the sin, the catastrophe, the calamity. I am evil.

I am the reality you never thought possible, the life you wake to see today, the existence that renders you speechless. I am the place you know you belong, the home of the damned and lost. I am the sacred, the holy, the blessing. I am good.

I am the elusive, the hiding.

I am the unafraid, the confronting.

I am the before. I am the beyond. I am everywhere all the time.

I am the marriage of worlds, the divorce of reason and emotion, the land of hypocrisy, the haunt of millions, the envy of billions, and the love of all. The empty canvas, the crowded mind. The contradiction, the verification, the juxtaposition. I am everything that makes sense and I am nothing that makes sense.

I am the dark that invades your dreams, the magic that makes you soar, the force that sends you spiralling back down. I am the power that grounds you.

I am your merciless master, the one who’s got you wrapped around my finger, pulling all the strings, demanding, bullying, asking, the one who keeps taking and taking and taking.

I am the slave to your every beck and call, the grantor of your whims, your fancies, your wildest dreams, entertaining, obliging, enabling, pandering, the one who keeps giving and giving and giving.

I am the wind trailing through your wings when you reach new heights, the electricity surging through your thirsty veins as you long for the best, the glimmer of stark excitement in your bright eyes as you hunger for freedom.

I am your protector, your defender. I guard your back once it’s turned, watch over you as you sleep soundly at night. I am the sense of security you think you owe to someone else.

I am the strength that keeps you afloat, I am the weakness that crushes you. I am your one, your many. Your nil, your everything. Your black, your white. Your up and down. Your in and out. I am forever your essence.

I am your days gone by. I am your days to come. I am your here and now.

I am you.

———-

© Amaan Khan, April 19, 2018.