It’s time for another fun, fact-filled tag!

So, it’s been a while since I spoke to you guys. Two months actually, but who’s counting? (I hope you’re not.) It’s been eight weeks straight of micro story after micro story and it’s no surprise that my creative well has dried up again. Well, thank heavens for these nifty tags. They’re real life savers. This is something I feel I can do this week, if not write fiction. And today’s selection is all about food. More specifically, my opinion about food. (Who else thinks all these tags are borderline narcissistic? Because no one really wants unsolicited facts about ourselves, but we insist on giving them anyway.) But if you think about it, a tag all about food is what everyone wants, isn’t it? Pizzas, burgers, ice creams, who doesn’t want to hear about all this stuff? A robot, that’s who. (Because a robot doesn’t eat, but you already get that, don’t you? Man, I should really stop explaining my jokes.) Ok, enough of me rambling. I can practically hear all of you shouting at me, from your respective corners of the world: “Get on with it!” Well, jeez, calm yourselves down a bit. Man, people really get impatient when it’s food on the table (another pun, and yet another explanation. I am beyond help). I’ll just shut up now and get on with it. Let the questionnaire begin!

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Q1. What’s your favourite breakfast?

A: Cheesy scrambled eggs on buttered toast. Yeah I know, that’s a lot of fat packed into a single meal, but you know what they say: YOLO.

Q2. How do you drink your coffee?

A: I don’t. I had to quit after a visit to the dentist, who told me that if I didn’t, the caffeine would corrode all my teeth by the end of the year. And thus ended my six-year long-term serious relationship with coffee. (Previously, I used to take it black with two sugars.)

Q3. What’s in your favourite sandwich?

A: Chicken and cheese, preferably grilled. I do not believe that a greater duo exists. And if you do, let me tell you that you have been deceived. Deceived, I tell you. Wake up and smell the melting cheese!

Q4. Soup or salad?

A: I have never been a soup person, but if I must, mushroom or French onion. My go-to is Caesar Salad. Classic. Scrumptious. Second to none. I have sampled all the Caesar salads in all the restaurants that I have dined at in my city; this is how much I love it. Romaine + chicken + croutons + anchovies + Caesar dressing. What more could you ask for? Oh that’s right, a sprinkling a parmesan. I almost forget. Silly me.

Q5. No more sweets or no more savouries?

A: No more savouries. I can live without tacos and lasagna and what-have-you, but not without ice cream, cookies, and Red Velvet. Give up Sugar? No thanks. I’d rather jump into a vat of boiling acid.

Q6. What’s your favourite cuisine?

A: Oh come on! That’s a really tough one. It’s like asking a mother which of her kids is her favourite. I guess if I really had to say, it would be a toss between Japanese and American. Wait, a toss. Let me flip a coin. Be right back……..

…….. Ok, I’m back. I flipped it. Japanese all the way.

Q7. What’s your favourite food movie?

A: There are so many aren’t there? Chef, Ratatouille, etc, etc. But I’m gonna go with Chocolat. Juliet Binoche? Johnny Depp? Judie Dench? Come on. Roast chicken smothered in a thick chocolaty gravy? Hell yes. It’s the most sinful movie you will ever see in your life. (Porn is nothing compared to it. I repeat: nothing!)

Q8. What’s your most guilty pleasure?

A: Anything sweet, since I have the sweetest tooth on the planet. And for argument’s sake: ice cream. The flavour doesn’t matter. Chocolate. Mint. Coconut. Mango. It’s all good. Scratch that. It’s all great!

Q9. The tastiest food I’ve ever eaten was?

A: Now hold on, this is not fair. When I ate KFC for the first time, I thought that was it. And then I tried cannoli and I thought that was best. And then sushi and I thought that was… well, you get it. It keeps changing, so there’s no constant answer. At the moment it’s sushi, so for what it’s worth that’s my answer.

Q10. What’s your favourite cookbook?

A: Umm, yeah, I’ve never read a cookbook in my life. I think any cookbook about desserts would be my favourite.

Q11. What’s your greatest inspiration source?

A: I barely cook. I mean, I can whip up any kind of eggs, pancakes waffles, cookies, cupcakes, instant noodles (duh) etc, but that’s where my culinary prowess ends. I lack the inspiration to cook, though I have plenty of it to write. I do wish I had the skill-set to put together awesome Shrimp Tempura sushi whenever the mood strikes me, which, if I’m being completely honest, happens on a daily basis. That would be extraordinarily handy. (I am starting to think I have a food problem. I might be an addict. Help me.)

Q11. Cooking at home or going out for dinner?

A: Since I would starve and burn the house down if I even attempted to cook dinner, I opt for going out. I think most of us would. It’s quicker and easier, though maybe not so easy on the wallet. Oh well, if I gotta go broke it may as well be because I’m a sushiholic.

Q12. High-end or low profile?

A: Definitely low profile. I love discovering new and cozy places to eat at. The trendy, the hip, the out of the way small joints no one would notice. In my experience, high-end eateries are not worth the money and leave you disappointed more often than not. Small businesses always have my support.

Q.13. What’s your favourite restaurant?

A: I don’t have one. And if at a certain point in time I do, that really doesn’t stick. I like finding and trying new ones and going back to the old ones all the time.

Q14. I do my grocery shopping at?

A: The local grocery store. Nothing glamorous. Hmm.

Q16. Coffee with Leonardo Dicaprio or Gordon Ramsey?

A: Wait a minute. This question has nothing to do with food and everything to do with celebrities, which is why I refuse to answer it, never-mind my abstinence from coffee.

Q17. What should not be missing in your kitchen?

A: The fridge, what else? Otherwise how could you enjoy all those tasty leftovers? Duh.

Q18. What is your favourite snack?

A: There’s all sorts of stuff lying around the house and so it’s no surprise that I go hunting whenever I’m feeling peckish. Popcorn. Biscuits. Dry fruit mixes. Fruits. Almost anything will do.

Q19. What’s on your pizza?

A: Cheese + jalapenos + chilies + mushrooms + anything chicken (salami, sausages, hot bbq, etc). What I cannot stand is capsicum, and I’m pretty neutral to having pineapple on a pizza. This is slightly reminiscent of my favourite sandwich answer. Oregano and chili flakes are good add-ons as well. The spicier the better (this applies in the general food category too).

Q20. What food do you really dislike?

A: Anything that has kale or arugula in/on it. Or too much rosemary/oil. Or capsicum. Or anything really bland with no taste or kick to it. Yeah, I don’t do all that. Not worth it. In terms of cuisine, my least favourite is Indian (having spent 26 years eating it, it starts to kinda suck.)

Q21. What’s the one food you refuse to share?

A: Now I’m not Joey Tribbiani, I do share almost everything, but there are certain circumstances when I refuse to share certain foods. For example the best cheesecake at my favourite cheesecake place. So, when I have ordered something specifically for myself (say, a slice of cheesecake) I make it clear to everyone at the table that it’s for me and I will be the only one eating it and the entire slice is going to end up in just my tummy and no one else’s tummy. Judge me all you want–no, you know what? Before judging me, let’s admit that we all have that certain food we refuse to share. We ain’t perfect. Let’s be real.

Q22. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

A: We’re still talking about food right? Haha, I’m just kidding. I’m still waiting to eat the weirdest thing. The most extreme thing I’ve eaten is goat brains, but that’s not weird. It’s a delicacy in India (known as bheja), so that’s pretty normal. I would like to explore more in seafood, though.

Q23. What’s on your food bucket list?

A: Authentic pizza from a real pizzeria in Italy, or authentic shawarma from a real shawarmaria (not a word) in Lebanon, or authentic sushi in Japan.

Q24. I couldn’t live without eating?

A: Bread. We all crave it, in some form or another. Sometimes, it can be a weakness.

Q25. If you could eat only one thing for the rest of your life, what would you eat?

A: I bet my life you think the answer is sushi. Ha! You’re wrong. Sorry to disappoint. Okay, so I don’t know this one, because like I said sushi is just the current favourite. I guess if I could eat just one thing till I die, every single day, it would be burgers. It has everything: fat, carbs, fibre, protein, vegetables, and sugar. To be more precise, the KFC Chicken Zinger Burger. (cheese + chicken is my thing, what can I tell you?)

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And there you have it, folks! The 25 Food Questions Tag. If you think there’s any question I’ve missed out or any questions that you have for me regarding my tastes, feel free to leave it in the comments below. I’ll be sure to answer them. And also, tell me your answers. Your favourites, least favourites, can’t-do-withouts, etc etc. Share your views too. Let’s hear them!

Now if you’ll excuse me, all this food talk is making me hungry. I gotta go find something to gobble up.

Until next week. This is me, signing out!

© Amaan Khan, April 26, 2018.

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